who wears shoes in bed
who wears shoes inside the house
Who wears shoes?
what is shoe
where do i download it
is shoe free?
how many people know of this “shoe”
can i eat the “shoe”?
Does this “shoe” have free wi-fi?
YOU GUYS ARE ALL ASSHOLES
|Child:||mommy I'm sick|
|Mom:||yaaaaas bitch cause I am what? SICKENING|
|child:||but mommy I've been throwing up|
|Mom:||yaaaaaaaaaaas bitch gag on my eleganza|
*prepares party popper*
*nervously shakes the party popper*
*slowly falls asleep with the party popper*
*has a wonderful night with the party popper*
*gets married to the party popper*
It’s a beautiful evening in February. My wife and I are sitting at the fireplace, when suddenly a terrible image appears on the screen of my computer.
My wife looks at me. As I look in her terrified, cardboard eyes, filled with tears, she takes a deep breath, before saying with her shivering voice “It’s what you’ve always wanted, dear. Do it.” My hands start shaking and a lone tear rolls down my cheek. “I can’t, honey. I’m not like that anymore.” “I will do it.” a small voice behind us says. As I turn around, my eyes cross with my son; our son. “You don’t have to do this, Benedict.” I say, as I hold his hands.
Ignoring what I told him, young Benedict Popper-Are Optional holds my wife’s cardboard body in one hand, and her long, beautiful string in the other. With tears in my eyes, I turn my head away. A loud pop sounds behind me and I watch in terror as I see my wife’s confetti spread across the room.
"It’s what you’ve always wanted, dad…" my son says, putting his small, cardboard hand on my shoulder. "Yes," I say, "but not like this… Never like this…"
what the actual fuck
why is there fan art
nevermind that why is their son lettuce
*clears throat* if i looked you up in the dictionary, there’d be a picture of cute- *coughs* i mean, um, if i looked up dictionary in cute, thered- no, i meant *shuffles cards* if you looked cute up in the dictionary, there’d be a picture of me- *drops cards* i, uh *flusters* the, um *panics* the dictionary thinks you’re cute
"assassins creed couldn’t have a female protagonist because-" son u are playing a game about an assassin bartender who sits in a sofa machine and relives his ancestor’s memories to find magical artifacts left behind by a race that came before humans so just stop talking pls